Im not going to go into this too much, it has coursed such a big argument on an online forum. To what extend is verbal abuse, really abuse??
Do you have 'nicknames' for your children (if you have any) for when they are being naughty? Do you say to them "Stop being a little turdburger"? Or somewhere along those lines?
According to these people if you call your children 'ratbag' 'snothead' 'fairy princess' (for a boy) 'feral' the list goes on. They think this is child abuse! Only because that its not directing the behaviour of the child but putting them down with an insult. I dont see the problem, children over the generations have been getting called names by their parents, with no harm done. I understand there are so called 'better' ways to disapline your children, but honestly, I think most of those women arguing are just finding yet another way to bubble wrap their children.
When they are old enough, in high school more than likely, they will be getting name called alot. Im sure worse then just snothead, I dont think 'protecting' our children from silly little words is even in their best interests.
I dont want to go into it any more, like I said. I just want others opinions. Im not going to agrue with peoples comments. I just dont see it as abuse. Like I said on the forum, of course if you make your child feel unwanted and useless, then yes that is abuse, but harmless little comments like 'stop acting like a poo bum' isnt going to damage a child.
8 comments:
i think more and more people are starting to consider the littlest things child abuse. that really bothers me.
Girl.... it seems like the pendulum has shifted all the way over to the other end in our society. Where is the middle ground any more? As a survivor of child abuse and in my adult life a survivor of domestic abuse, my opinion is this is a silly argument and peeps need to spend more time figuring out their own faults-self discovery- instead of focusing their attention on others.
I do believe however- screaming at your child in anger is a form of emotional child abuse.
Oh my - my parents definitely called us names (the typical brat, slob, snitch... but I think the worst was being called by our first AND middle names, then we knew we were in trouble) but nothing obscene. Sometimes a brat is a brat and needs to be told so! I certainly needed to be called out.
Some people seem to be in denail. What causes learning is making one outcome more desireable than the other. The less desireable outsome is a punisher and it has to exist to cause learning. It seems to me that calling a kid rattie when she is bad and pixie when she is good is a very mild way to go about it--much less traumatising, for example, than time out.
People also think spanking your child in public is child abuse and you can be arrested for it in some places!! While I'm not sure I think calling your child a name is very nice, and I think that it could cause damage later on (my husband for instance was called names and stuff when he was little and now has a lot of trust issues and self-esteem issues) - I'm not sure it's "child abuse".
My mother got in trouble for calling me "monkey face" when I was just born, in the hospital. It's a family name we use. It's actually an endearment. But to others it may seem mean and degrading. I guess it depends on what you mean by it.
I know calling a child "stupid" or something like that is hurtful, or picking on them about their appearance. Other than that I don't see any issues with nick names.
As a parent of a wonderful kid who was never called anything other than the example of first & middle name when I really, really wanted to get his attention (it works LOL), I think that if as the adult you have to resort to name calling to make your point, then maybe the adult is missing the boat. As parents we are here to instruct and lead by example. Name calling is something they may face at school, but using it at home? The definition of "abuse" according to the Merriam Webster Dictionary is; "1: a corrupt practice or custom
2: improper or excessive use or treatment : misuse (drug abuse) (abuse of tranquilizers)
3obsolete : a deceitful act : deception
4: language that condemns or vilifies usually unjustly, intemperately, and angrily
5: physical maltreatment." So yeah, technically speaking #4 would fall into the child abuse category. It all comes down to are you pulling up or tearing down your child's self esteem?
I was called a "piss ant" when I was little... I turned out ok..... Hateful words need to be censored everywhere.....
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